Fears

We fear things that may, or will, happen to us (such as dying, getting cancer, looking old, being old, being alone) and we fear many things we have to do (such as making a public speech, learning to drive, passing exams, making decisions, sticking up for ourselves). These fears may all appear to be very different. But they aren't. The common theme which links these separate fears is a fear of rejection, disapproval, failure and, rather more commonly than you might think, a fear of success.And the underlying fear behind all these emotions is the simple fear of not being able to deal with things - of not being able to cope with rejection, with disapproval, with failure or with success. It is that - the fear of not being able to cope - which is the fundamental fear which affects us all. We worry about things which may (or may not) happen because we worry that we will not be able to cope with the consequences. You almost certainly have more than one fear. You probably have scores - even hundreds of fears. You may, indeed, be one of the small number of people who seem to fear just about anything and everything - in which case fear probably rules your life. If you try to deal separately with all your different fears you will soon be exhausted. Our greatest fears involve the unknown. Know your fears and you will move a long way towards emasculating them. Fear of the unknown is a powerful driving force. But you can defuse this particular fear by always asking yourself: `What is the worst thing that can happen in this situation?' You will frequently be surprised to find that the `worst' really isn't all that bad. And once you know the worst you can make plans accordingly.In the darkness and silence of the night everyone is afraid. It is the human way. Fear will never go away. It will always be there. The only way to defeat the fear is to go out and do it (whatever it is that you are afraid of). When you do it you will feel better and more capable. Going through the fear - and realising that you can come out safely on the other side - is, in the long-term, far less frightening than staying fearful and helpless. Living with the fear of being helpless is far worse than doing or confronting whatever it is that you are afraid of. When you know that you can handle whatever comes your way, you can take risks and you can get far more out of life. Decide what you want and go for it. List your choices and make one. Then live with it.